words blown by a pale wind

2003-01-16T16:39:00.000-05:00

hey there.
Possibly moving over to lj
http://www.livejournal.com/users/birchdryad/
I'm going to try it out for a few days and decide...

2003-01-12T10:44:00.000-05:00

A great Saturday.
My brother, Soy and I woke and talked and watched the movieSlam. Then we dressed and rushed, with Coco, to Kate's Joint, one of our favorite Veggie Restaurants. We met up with some friends of hers there, all smokersons in the bar area. We had the 'buffalo wings'(fried tofu with garlic and hot sauce, I don't know how they do it, but yum).

Soy went record shopping and Coco, Egg and I shivered our way to the subway.

Party-readying. I made a vegan spice cake. I topped it with Chestnut creme and grand marnier sauteed apple and pear.

Joon made a white cake with chocolate and blackberry topping. It was a work of beauty!!!

Our house got cleaned and the 4 of us showered and dressed while the early ones came. It seems hard to be ready on time, especially when you've(foolishly?) asked people to come early.

I had done evite for the invites, so I thought I knew who was coming, but 2 maybe's and 5 no replies all came. I was so happy!
Clove was well missed, by me while getting ready(I am used to him helping and being generally amazing when I am scrambling the house in order and preparing food for the snackadoos) and later by my friends who seemed confused by his absence.

I was sad the Shehireen and Smiling weren't here, they were asked about and missed as well.

Lots of poetry talk, teacherly talk, 'post-grad school we're broke' talk, good music put on by my dj brother and our dj friend, Calm. Laughing, a new romance, a tiny bit of dancing, 6 January birthday people blowing out the cakes, a late game of Clue(Mrs White did it) and some later quieter talking and then hilarity.

One of the best parties we've had here in a long while.

2003-01-08T22:39:00.000-05:00

Last night we had the most beautiful snowfall. Very blowy large flakes that flew up and around. I couldn't get myself away from the window.
My brother is coming up this weekend, we might go do yoga together which should be really cool.

My housemates and I have been hanging out tonight and doing the mask thing, my face feels tight and very clean.
We are girliferous.

2003-01-07T22:35:00.000-05:00

I am preparing to teach at a nearby university. It is exciting and a little scary. This will be my first time as a graduated creative writing professor. I've been checking out other peoples syllabi online....Sounds sort of sexy, but not.

I got some books in the mail from Devika, I am looking forward to reading them!

We're having a January birthday party this weekend. I am looking forward to it, and Soy will be up for the weekend, to join in the festivities. Sadly, Shehireen won't be available, which sucks since it is her birthday the night of the party.

It has gotten very very cold outside. Yesterday, walking home from work I saw a christmas 'planted' in an orange trash can. Today it was gone. The sidewalks hold fringes of thin ice to their edges. A dark and sinister clothing.

I made a pudding tonight of egg, soymilk and cardamom. Very yummy, and good for a cold winters night.

2003-01-05T18:29:00.000-05:00

Some notes on Graham Avenue

I hate the street noise, especially on weekend nights when drunk people get rowdy below my window, and I don't enjoy the shaking of my apartment when trucks pass.

But, something good about my street: parades. In the summer it seems that every other weekend there is a parade down graham avenue.This morning I noticed the emptiness of the street, and the police redirecting traffic, I paused to wonder what parade could be now, and remembered last years one- the three kings. Yes, them.

So, once I heard the drums I ran to my window and watched the parade, music, dance, children in crowns and capes, floats with loud music and bouncing. People can't seem to be on a float in this neighborhood without using their mic to say, "Puerto Rico!" They got a less enthusiastic response then usual-maybe because of the religious nature of the parade.

My favorite part of the parade was the group that walked with animals- a burro, some lama's and a horse. Not sure why those animals, but fun to see walking down my street. surreal. I got a lot of pictures, I tried to take photos with the everyday streetsigns behind the colorful costumes.

2003-01-03T15:21:00.000-05:00

Will I be able to write in here after I get home? I want to know. I feel like I should update everything now, so much has gone on in the past 2 weeks...
But, it is snowing, here in Cambridge, and I want to sit near the window and write in my (paper) journal and look out at the snowfly.
It is a snowfly, falling and then floating, large flakes that play with the smaller flakes.

I feel very peaceful here. I am so happy to be in my friend, Cello's space, and have it be a healthy one. She was in a downward spiral for a year or so and then bottomed out and now she has made a wonderful life for herself. I am happy to see that and lucky to be experiencing it.

She has gotten into roses, smell and image, and as they were one of my first loves, from teenager-hood, I am feeling happy to see and smell rose. She has a weleda wild rose oil that reminds me of camping on Mt. Desert Island in Maine, or Assateague- walking towards a dune and seeing a low bush and seeing the thin, blowsy fringe of petals, raggedy, that smell so spicy amazing.

2003-01-02T23:16:00.000-05:00

Well, I am at my friend, Cello's house, and lo I can post from here.
Happy New Year.
Happy Birthday, today, to my friend Calm, and to my brother, Soy.
Clove is currently with Soy and others wishing happiness and joy. I miss them both.

Driving up here to Boston: the ground grew more white, trees leaned into the road, weighted, frosted, further north- the rocks had rivulets of ice hanging.

My friend, Ash drove me, it was nice to talk with her, and laugh, later, in the surprising cold.

I am really just on here to try and see if things work, and they do.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful new year.
Resolutions are on their way!

2002-12-21T12:45:00.000-05:00

NOTHING WILL POST. I am very annoyed.

2002-12-21T11:16:00.000-05:00

My friend Kur is moving back to Cali, since the job market hasn't been working for him, here. I am sad he will be leaving, he is a fun person to be around. We had a goodbye dinner at Black Betty last night. It was fantastic, food, drinks, conversation. Tons of laughter which I personally needed, and which seemed to be in demand by everyone. I feel lighter and happier and calmer. It can be so good to get out of the house, get out of the routine, of yourself.

It had rained yesterday, and was warm and suddenly it got breezy and clear and brisk, on my walk to the bar. Full moon, high and bright.

Happy Solstice everyone. I hope you have a day that reminds you of light, and is full of joy...

2002-12-20T12:36:00.000-05:00

Make make make, create create create...
Presents.

And, a messy room to show for it.
I have been the busy bee since I woke at 8. I have today off, and am trying to take advantage. It is RAINY-city outside, which is helping me stay focused on creating with what I have already available.

And, I am wrapping presents so that I feel calmer about the holidays, and like I actually have things for people.

I am trying to decide where to be and when, as far as the hol's go. I have many friends travelling to the DC area, and want to see them, but I also want some time off up here, and Clove has taken time off as well, and I want to have some time alone with him, which is a slightly outrageous idea in this holiday-licious time.

2002-12-19T17:04:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to this tiny herb and spice shop in the east village- Penny's. The man there, Kim(but of hungarian descent, not korean) was very nice and quite talkative. I discovered the shop with my friend, Cello, a few months ago- It has an old-timey feel, wooden shelves, glass jars, brown bags, lots of talk. He seemed to want to talk, and I didn't need to rush, so we talked for about 1/2 hour, of: sheperding, brooklyn, hasidim, buying a cheap farmhouse(I am now dreaming of a place upstate with Clove), militant people, loneliness.... etc. I wish there were more interactions like that here. He even recognized me, from that one time before, even though Cello was the one buying and talking.

Today is my mother's birthday. I haven't talked to her in a very long time. I am working up the nerve to call her. It is SO not normal and can't be casual. Add to that the fact that her live-in bf is extremely controlling and dislikes her talking to anyone(hence, us not talking) and I am feeling shy and worried. I guess I have to just DO IT.

I made cinnamon ornaments yesterday- cinnamon, applesauce, glue and time. I like them. I went on a cookie cutter search, but could only find tiny and cheap ones, which I purchased and hardly used. Instead I used a nice metal cup and some shapes. Some of you will be receiving them, so I guess I shouldn't be writing. Oh well. The kitchen smells nice. My hands are VERY dry now, though.

2002-12-17T21:47:00.000-05:00

I have had a very stressful money thing going on. My roommates rent check bounced, and I didn't know, and so I bounced or went under my balance with 6 things, and got charged a fee of $30 for EACH ONE. One was $4.00 for a subway card! Gross. I am unhappy with the whole situation. She and I talked about it last night, and she is going to work on paying me back, she offered to as soon as I told her what had happened. Very cool of her.

My Clove was here this weekend and it was just great. I love when he is here. We met at a holiday party at Teachers and Writers. They had a really good band playing, we danced and talked and drank. The night before I had gone to a holiday party that my Creative Writing Dept held. They invite us alums back, which is nice. It was an ideal party- beer, wine, food, interesting conversation, a dance floor and a downstairs jam going on- guitar, banjo and fiddle- and lots o' singing. I met some interesting people and caught up with even more of my writerly friends. I got to sing along with some songs I love.

To continue the weekend of live music, Clove and I went to a benefit auction of a friends dance company, and got to listen to a great bluegrass style duo, and then watch a quirky dance performance.

And, to continue the long-weekend of drinking, I went to a dinner party at my friends house on Sunday, after Clove had left. They had amazing food, a LOT of alkyhol, since we all brought some, 'though 2 of us didn't know wine shops are closed Sundays, and had brought strange wines- I brought a retsina I had bought for myself a while ago. Retsina is a greek wine with a piney flavor that I would not inflict on anyone(usually)- as it has an intense flavor. I don't think anyone really liked it, but there was plenty else to drink.

We were all worrying and discussing the possible transit strike, which I really thought would happen. Luckily it won't. I wouldn't have been able to get to work, and therefor, no pay. Can't afford that!

I am getting settled in to make presents. I was thinking of how I originally made presents because I was a poor student( over 10 years ago) and then I got good at it and blended the made with the bought, b/c I had some money. But now I am back to the poorer self, and trying to figure out what I can make, nicely and with already owned ingredients. No hints, though!!!

2002-12-12T14:51:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I can't resist these things(obviously).... and, obviously I am not off the computer yet!

Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

I can really see Clove liking this, if he ever reads my blog(ahem) he will enjoy it.

2002-12-12T14:35:00.000-05:00

It is sunny and blue sky weather today, and it is around 40 degrees. It feels lovely. We haven't had much sun lately. People are cheerful and basking. Just 3 mornings ago I walked outside and saw a stiff frozen sweatshirt, arms wide, that someone had thrown in the garbage pail, and it was just reaching out, unwilling to go in, a funny sight.

Outside, now, two men are putting in our new tree!!!!! I am SO happy. Our tree was cut down last October. This city needs more trees, and I certainly do. They don't know what kind it is. I am going to guard this tree! Maybe I'll get some city style low fencing to keep the trash out. It blows down our street and lands in front of our house. Ugly.

I am feeling so energetic. I was so lassitude-y from the illness, I feel like I want to do 100 thousand different things. It is a fun feeling, but where do I start? Painting, making holiday cards, presents, crochet, clean(oh, fun), send out poems(really need to do this), find a new power cord for my failing computer, paint my ugly colored shoes pretty...... Get off the computer should start NOW. adios and ciao.

2002-12-11T18:59:00.000-05:00

dreary rain.

I had a poetry date with Cane today, first one, it was really nice to read someone's poetry that I have never read before. We did some writing as well, on harmony in music, and my poem somehow became partially about the Fates, which creeped in subconciously and I only became aware of it when reading it to her. I will work on it and see what I want to do. It seems so wide open when you first begin something and when deciding where to take it.

I came home and made rosemary garlic mashed potatoes, and a chix patty. mmmm. Good rain fighting food.

2002-12-08T18:37:00.000-05:00

I've been sick for about a week(I am mostly better, now) and it is stupid and exhausting. Plus, I feel like mush, my brain, that is.

I start at a new school tomorrow, it is down close to coney island(oh, why do they call me to start in cold december?) so it will be a bit of a journey. I have worked in this school before, it is an OTC- where they train the highschoolers for jobs in the everyday world.

I will be teaching a lot the next 2 weeks, then schools are closed for hol's.

I am trying to decide how long to go down to DC for. I am sort of tired of heading down there for holidays, carrying presents, living out of a bag, in a strange bed, tired of my family(a few of them) not accepting my Clove, just because of his skin color, and tired of them not inviting him to join us for hol's. His family Very much invites me. I am in a grump today and considering telling the fam that until he is invited I'll be going to his fam's. Childish or savvy? Opinions...?

So, last week while in MD I gave my Dad the painting I made for him, he looked at it, I think he said Thanks, and then went into a thing about how we have different views of my childhood(this was a happy painting fyi)--- I wonder if he will EVER get over the poem I wrote in my thesis which just said he was depressed. I am tired of the whole thing.

Later that night Clove and I met up with Ash at 18th Street Lounge, which was nice and fireplacey and full of cozy couches and good music. She brought her bf, and I wish I had talked to him more, but I just wanted to talk with her b/c we had limited time and it's been a long long time.

I finally saw O Brother Where Art Though, last night. I loved it, the music, the colors, the singing. And, the country scenery. Movies with such images make me want to chuck all literary jobs and run out to the country. If only the trees were hiring.

I just took this quiz:
Which Goddess Owns You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-12-04T22:50:00.000-05:00

I am tired of being freaked out about money. Anyone else having this problem? I am guessing yes. I am in charge of the lease for our 4 bdrm apartment, and didn't think all of the money had cleared, and my landlord forgot to wait until I called him to confirm he could deposit the check. (insert Brooklyn accent here) "If the check bounces, it bounces." he said. Probably not caring that he charged me $30 the one time that happened (my roommates check bounced) and then my bank charged me another $30. Ugh. I had a panic, but it turned out alright.

On a sillier note, I got a gnome in the mail today(a paper kind) the 2nd one from an anonymous source. It is very fun getting surprise mail.

So, the newest news is that Coco is planning to move to San Fran in March, I will be sad to have her leave, but I am not really surprised, as her man, Tuff, is out there.

After work tonight I walked in the dwindled farmers market and bought some pine boughs, our house smells very yummy and green.

2002-11-27T20:38:00.000-05:00

I am in Maryland for the week. It has gotten cold here, about 35. Chilly. I am enjoying seeing so many trees and leaves. I am housesitting at a house I used to live in, and it is so decadent(they have a fancy updated kitchen, Tivo( six feet under), and.... a hot tub!). Clove is with me, and we are all snuggly nice (but he is working a lot). I am a little tired in advance, thinking of all the cooking I will be doing in the next 2 days. I am having one family thanksgiving and one friend. My bro has invited a few people to the friend one, and they have all invited someone, so it is going to be large.

I saw the new Harry Potter last night- I enjoyed it overall, but felt they spent too much time explaining things. It felt like they had to make sure everyone understood everything right away. Children enjoy figuring things out!

They previewed The Two Towers(we were at the Uptown, a great DC theater) and it was exciting, people clapped and hooted. I like audiences who emote.

I hope everyone has a lovely feast. Don't forget to take time to say what you are thankful for, and hear what your loved ones are thankful for.

I am thankful for my life, for Clove, my brothers, my friends, my cats, for poetry and painting, for a colorful world, for new books and old clothes....

2002-11-24T14:17:00.000-05:00

I have been painting rather obsessively the past few days and have an interesting side-effect. I am looking at things very differently. I walked outside yesterday around 1, and it was a windy, crisp and sunny day. I was noticing the colors of the shadows(rarely black) and the shapes of the buildings against the sky. My neighborhood has a richness of people, so many different looks and ages. It was such a clear day after days of rain and grey and so, despite the cold, many people were out. Leaves are still blowing, mostly reds and oranges and the yellow fan of gingko.
I took a painting I did to a gallery all the way down Graham Ave. They may take it. I am waiting. I did it on a piece of found wood(maybe a crab-pot?) that I have been carrying around forever. It had really great specks of rust which I tried to implement into the painting. I have been painting on canvas lately, and I like the smoothness, but I really enjoy painting on wood, working with the knots, the texture. I have been wanting to start a project of paintings on wood I pick up in the neighborhood on trash night.

I am going to DC tomorrow for the week. I am looking forward to seeing Clove and my friends and family.

I have been reading a great thread on 'getcrafty'-- all about being frugal. I recommend it!
http://discuss.gromco.com/mwforum/topic_show.pl?id=12345

2002-11-21T22:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was supposed to be laundry day, but I woke up all ready to paint, and that is what I did. I painted most of one painting that I'd drawn out the day before, from a drawing I did while writing that eclipse poem for my Dad. I was writing and thinking that it would be fun to draw what the scene looked like, abstract-ish, from the poem. I also wrote 2 versions, from different points of view. Fun.

Yesterday was beautiful and all 4 of us in the apartment ended up climbing the ladder to the roof to watch the end of the day. I sketched and B and Coco took photos. Joon had to get out because she was doing laundry.

I stretched and gessoed another canvas, and started a surreal roof scene.

On Tuesday I had the nicest talk with my friend, Devika. I enjoyed talking with her so much, I just felt giddy and full afterwards. I guess that is the talent of old, true friends. I feel wealthy having gotten the visit from Loon just last week.

It is raining again, which makes it HARD to do laundry. (I like to hang things outside).

On the "I really need more work" front, T&W called today and offered me a residency with a school I've worked in before. The school requested me, ah, popularity. The synchronistic thing is that I was just last night thinking I wanted to get down to that neighborhood before Christmas. The school is in between Coney Island and Bay Ridge.

2002-11-19T12:49:00.000-05:00

I climbed the ladder to my roof, with Clove in my pocket, and talked to him while I tried to look for the Leonids last night. He went into his backyard, in DC, in barefeet(silly) and also looked. We talked about Orion, looking like he was falling, and the bright moon. Neither of us saw the Leonids. I got too cold, it is windy on rooftops in Brooklyn, so I went back inside, to research and discover that the best chance to see them would be at 5 am, and not in the city. Since my roof access is through my roommates room, I realized I wouldn't be able to see them. Did anyone?

The construction is almost done on the space below us. I am very tired of being woken at 7 am by harsh voices and banging hammers. The construction is directly below my bedroom, and often shakes my room. At times the cats are so freaked out that they won't walk on the floor.

I had a solitary breakfast and started a poem about my father waking my brother and I to watch a lunar eclipse one night when I was around 10. Ever since he got upset about the way he was portrayed in the poems in my thesis, I have been searching for poems that are in a happier light. It is good for me. I have plenty of bad/sad memories from those times, it is nice to uncover some happy ones.

2002-11-19T12:35:00.000-05:00

2002-11-18T21:28:00.000-05:00

what a blowy brisk day we are having. Clear for the Leonids, I hope I can see them from my rooftop!
Smiling called me and we met at KGB for a very amusing poetry reading. It was nice to see her, and to be at a reading in a small space. I haven't done that enough lately. The reader, Jonah Winter, was dressed like a 30's gangster from a movie, and started off speaking in that kind of accent, of his childhood in Maine. Very funny. He has some enjoyable sestinas which I look forward to reading.

2002-11-17T19:10:00.000-05:00

I am feeling a little freaked out, I just sent an email to a few of my NYC friends, expressing my sadness and frustration that I don't see them very often, and don't feel approached by them that often. I am worried that they are going to be angry. How do you tell someone you are upset, without making them feel defensive? It is a talent I need to learn.

Why I am frustrated: I feel that everyone is caught up in their jobs and busy-ness, and don't make time.
Why I am sad: maybe I am just not someone they think of to hang out with regularly.

I remember having a group of friends in which we hung out every weekend. The question, "what are we doing this weekend?" was normal. I thought I had developed a community here, but maybe I was mistaken. I miss hanging out in peoples kitchens, talking casually.

I am having a melancholy day to match the weather, I guess.

I read in the Times that there will be a meteor shower tomorrow night. I hope it clears up.

2002-11-17T14:36:00.000-05:00

Loon has been here since Wednesday eve, visiting from Portland, OR. I had hoped for some blue skies to share with her, but we had them only on Friday.
We talked and ate and walked. Explored. I love showing old friends the things I love in this city. She had a rental car, so we also drove to Target, which was fun for me. We had buffet at Jackson Diner, and she said it was the best indian she's had. It was good. Crazy how you can go for a year without seeing someone, and you fall into talking immediately. We were both curious about the daily particulars, and did a good job at catching up. I enjoyed hearing about her 3 yr old daughter, and looking for things the Loon could bring her. Highlights of her visit:

Getting fancy for dinner at Oznots Dish. I borrowed her snazzy Kenneth Cole red shoes and she wore my brown wrap dress and red boots. Amazing dinner.

Talking.

Shopping, worrying she wasn't seeing enough of NYC and her saying, I am here for you, not this.

Looking at art, sketching, having coffee in the sculpture court at the Met and laughing at the statue behind us, a large man wrestling an animal, his ass and testes right next to us.

A walk through late afternoon central park, yellow leaves, the pond, hearing and seeing Thoth(and his egyptian opera), Strawberry Fields, a sense of peace, candles and music.

Tea at Alice's Tea Cup.

Dinner with the just tattooed Coco at Kate's.

I love when friends visit. It has felt very quiet since she left.

I am reading the bio of Frida Kahlo that the film was based on. I am enjoying it so far.

2002-11-12T13:16:00.000-05:00

It is a rainy day, the kind of day November is famous for. I have my students write letters to months, or make-up personalities for months. It is fun, and gets us thinking outside of weather. Even so, I imagine November to be a homebody that likes to bake, drink tea, read, watch movies and have friends over. November watches people out the window.
Clove was here this weekend. We had a wandery day in the east village on Saturday, starting at Virgin, where he bought himself some graphic novels, and bought Bjork's 'Family Tree' disc set for me. What a surprise! Lovely. We wandered some more, and happened on an alluring cafe(on E9th?)- The Cloister Cafe- with stained glass windows intact, and an outside garden with riotous grape vines, a fountain, sparkling lights. Very atmospheric. We went in for a drink. It felt to be one of the last nights where sitting outside would be a comfortable possibility. Then we kept walking, and found 'Simone', the restaurant I had wanted to take him to. It is on 1st Ave. It is all reds and golds, ornate, with a feel of russian orientalism to the papers on the walls, and the long windows. They were playing some good background music, and we sat, talking, eating and watching the passersby. We went to see 'Sweet Home Alabama" which we laughed at and enjoyed, but weren't inspired by.
Sunday we met Shehireen for brunch at Tea and Sympathy, yum. knocking knees because of the tight space. Then the three of us wandered the west village through the warming, sunny afternoon: down quiet tree-dropping streets, and into more crowded areas with fun boutiques. We had a great time laughing and looking.
In the evening Clove and I walked to Smiling's house to have dinner and watch A Room With a View, which Clove had never seen. It was really fun to watch with him, he enjoyed the quirkiness of the characters. It was lovely to be at Smiling's nice apartment, chatting, nibbling. A great day, bookended by two of my favorite people.
I am working on a couple of short stories, I have to turn one in for my fiction class tonight. I seem to get caught up in ideas or description, I need to get a handle on plot.
I was sad to have Clove leave. I want him here daily. I read about a seasonal beer at Heartland- Smiling Pumpkin Ale- I want to meet him after work and have some.
My friend Loon is coming tomorrow evening, I am really looking forward to having her here. Some major room cleaning is necessary, first!

2002-11-05T22:02:00.000-05:00

First off: Halloween parade in the village. went dressed all in orange and red, felt venetian ballgowny. Painted my facce fantastical, but also carried my mask. Couldn't find Joon, so walked alone. I love the halloween streets, costumes everywhere.

I am tired out from a long weekend, but mostly from working very hard today. I was hired to do a professional development for teachers that work in the special education district- to help them teach creative writing. Well, turns out that A: none of them were told what they'd be taking today, and B: the school was really disorganized, so everyone was grumpy, and C: most of them weren't teachers, but para-professionals, so not excited to learn about teaching.

Came home with my throat hoarse from 6 hours of talking. Headache, darkness. Went to vote... Did you vote? If not, why?
Went to my fiction class, at Barnes and Noble. As I walked up the escalator I saw a poster " meet the author: Isabel Allende" TONIGHT! And I had a class. I put my stuff down, went upstairs to hear her intro and went back down. I am sad I missed her. But, good class, lots of practical ideas.

Tired thing of weekend. My great aunt fell and is in a coma. I went to see her(Clove came with, driving) went in, never seen someone in a coma. Sadness. I tried to talk to her, cried a bit. Clove kept his hand on my back, gently strong.
I talked with some of my cousins for a while, nice to see them.

Nice things: Dinner with the bro(mexican feast), Clove and Sprite. A quick autumn adventure in Sandy Springs, saw the spring, surrounded by mowed cornfields, colored leaves(red, yellow), with that leaf smell in the air. A flock of geese flew over us while we were there. I was needing some country space and air, and only got a brief amount as we were on our way to the hospital...

Went and saw the movie Frida on Saturday with Clove and the Sprite, we had fun going to and fro, and Loved the movie. Gorgeous, surreal in spots- colorful, sad, happy, sexy. I was happy to see it with a Frida loving friend such as Sprite. Would have been thrilled to see it with a few other friends, also, but not many.

2002-10-30T22:12:00.000-05:00

Last night I came out of the subway to a flurry of snow. ! . What a surprise. It was short-lived, but very elevating. People walking up the stairs were all saying only one word, "snow."
The apartment below us is being renovated. It is VERY loud and bangy from 7 am to 4 pm. I am not liking it, actually, I hate it. I am happy to be going to DC this weekend for some quiet.
I have just come home after a reading, Nick Flynn. Very bee-ful. I enjoyed the poems, but so far I like him lyric(as in his first book) rather than persona(as in the new one). Good to see my friends from NYU, Lala and JS. J was so drunk that he fell down while trying to open the door Lala and I had just exited through.

My housemate did my hair yesterday, as part of a trial for a salon. It was strange being there, I don't know anything about salons, and therefor hadn't heard of the place- John DeLaria(I think). The name was everywhere. My head is itchy from the dye. My hair is smooth and sleek and styley, we'll see how long that lasts. Other stylists were obviously working with clients they've had awhile. Lots of gossip.
They were playing Morrissey, how odd, and then the Pet Shop Boys. Whole albums. It got me to thinking about trends in music and wondering if people played whole albums from the 60's/70's in the 80's. I remember songs being highlighted, but not, normally, whole albums. I am talking about public spaces, obviously there were lots of houses where Led Zeppelin etc were played ad infinitum.

2002-10-27T23:17:00.000-05:00

Halloween party fun.

Clove arrived on Friday evening, we spent Saturday getting ready for my friend shehireen's party. He decided to go as Nefertem, the egyptian god of perfume. I was going as Bast(or Bastet) the egyptian goddess of perfume, women, moons and partying- she has a cat head. Some of you have probably seen her statues in the Temple of Dendur here in NYC at the Met. I bought a white dress at the thrift store and wrote a line of hieroglyph's about Bast on the bottom-- they were from the Book of the Dead. Clove brought me a beaded headdress that I had seen in Takoma Park, and which had inspired me to be an egyptian goddess. It was fun getting our costumes together, I have never gone in on a theme with someone. Actually, that's not true, I just remembered that my friend PennyLou dressed as Morticia in college, and I went as Wednesday.

Coco, B, Clove and I took a car service down to the party. It is fun driving to parties- easy, relaxing and you get to see the skyline. Last night the Empire State was red and yellow. Coco was dressed in orange and red as a moulin rouge character- her outfit, hair and makeup were fantastic. I told her it was too bad she's not single. B was dressed as an 80's heavy metal roadie- with long wig and case of Bud Light as accessories.

We entered the party to face Death, standing with her sickle, and a bat creeping down. I love halloween, the imagination. I love standing and talking with my friends who are dressed as: a butterfly, a flamingo, Dr. Probemoor, Harry Potter...etc. Other fun costumes of the evening: A pirate priest, Lady Liberty and a tourist, Dolly Parton, a run-over construction worker, 2 witches, Dumbledore, Yin and Yang, Punky Brewster, a glam rocker..... Especially fun was watching everyone dancing.

Clove was enjoying being a pranskter and stealing people's staffs/wands/accoutrements. At midnight we were asked to all be seated for a performance. Dolly and Death gave a vaudeville performance, with singing, gyrations and tap dancing- "Death and Dolly" sung to the tune of "Love and Marriage"-- Death performed- Swanee River and another song as well, very fun. She asked for others to perform as well and my friend yoga had just come in, so she stood up and did (with us all singing)- Janis Joplin's "Mercedes Benz".
A wonderful evening. Towards the end of the night Coco and Clove were on a couch, playing with a Frankenstein toy and laughing hysterically, it made me quite happy. Rrrrraarrrrgghhhhh.

2002-10-24T17:57:00.000-04:00

What a grey day we are having. I just had a poetry date with my friend Smiling. We met at our teacher's apartment, where she is currently house/dog sitting. So interesting to be in his apartment, to see the art on his walls and fridge.

They think the snipers have been caught, I am sincerely hoping so. Clove has been feeling tense and tired and I am sure it is from the stress of being in the DC area. I have been really worried about my friends and family, and have been saddened by the losses. I think it will be a few days before I believe it is over.

I finished reading Something Rich and Strange a book inspired by and illustrated with art from Brian Froud. I really enjoyed the book, it had a sea theme, which went well with the book I had read earlier, mentioned a few days ago.

Today is my medium little brother's birthday. Happy Birthday! He is in the middle of the country attending a new college and seems to be doing really well. I am proud of all he has done this past, difficult year. His life has paralleled mine in eery ways, from my 18-19th year. He has come out of it well.

I was wandering the neighborhood from Chelsea to Union Square and thinking about how walking around Manhattan one feels a sense of possibility. I walked into the building where the arts organization I work for is located, and out of the elevator walks Robert de Niro, he smiled at those of us waiting for the elevator. Last year I saw Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke just a block from there. I guess it is a hopping area, being so close to the east and west village.

Halloween is fast approaching. I am really looking forward to it.

2002-10-20T19:39:00.000-04:00

A slightly hectic weekend. Coco had houseguests, 2 of which were young, nihilistic(well, the girl) and blah. No fun. Went to Kate's for brunch- very yummy. Enjoyed talking with her friend Egg. Wandered the east village, he and I ended up at this schools fair. I found a great old chinese dragon puppet- I'm going to use it with my teaching. While I was looking for Egg someone came up to me and said Hi. It was Chuck Wachtel, a fiction teacher at NYU. We had a nice small talk. He gave me some advice about teaching fiction. Turns out that he has his MFA in poetry and yet his first job was fiction. Ah. Relief and encouragement. Egg and I split, as he was going up home. I ended up at the Union Square Farmers Market- super fall abundance. I bought some very creepy gourds. The ends are like the claws on antique furniture.

Went to Lily and Calm's loftwarming, a nice space, yummy munchies and fun conversation. Then Coco, Broggie and I went into manhattan for some barhopping. I haven't done that in forever. Long enough that I felt the outsider anthropologist observing young new yorkers. I enjoyed the second place we ended up- Bar-B-- good music- experimental jazz, i guess. A trumpet, a dj and a bass. The first bar, Botanica, was nice but overcrowded with young sorority style birthdayers.

Joon and I jaunted up to the Met today, as I had read that it was the final day of the gauguin exhibit. It was a phenomenal exhibit- I had expected it to just be his Tahiti paintings, but it was very inclusive. Great lithographs, sketches, paintings and carvings. There were a few paintings I wanted to fall into, a couple from the south of france- I like his landscapes, his floating trees, his whirling vegetation. I also like the points of view, the many paintings with a persons back or back of head at the bottom/forefront of a scene. Gives a feeling of inclusiveness. Very inspiring. An opening experience.

Then we went upstairs to the Avedon exhibit- such a difference, huge black and white portraits, with all white backgrounds. Almost a shock after the lush Gauguins. But, refreshing, in a way, like lemon sorbet after a rich meal.

2002-10-16T21:28:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading Coastliners by Joanne Harris(of Chocolat fame) and I am still feeling myself caught in this tiny village on a tiny Island off the coast of France. It makes me long for a small house in the middle of nowhere, with my books and writing to go through, and mr. clove by the fire. Sometimes I feel I need a few years of almost hermitude to process all that has happened in my life over the past 3 years. Life seems to keep me rushing to the next thing. I help.

By the way, the book is good.

It has been a dreary rainy day, I might enjoy it if I had stayed home, but my very achey foot, combined with a long commute to Queens, add 2 surly bus drivers(one just drove by as I stood in the very blowsy rain) and well, I was ready to come home, have espresso and later make some potato chowder. Mmm. Devika will start calling me potato woman again, soon.

I've been feeling a little saddened by my ny friends lately. Whenever I suggest a move down to the DC area they are all sad and "no". But they all seem too busy to keep me as part of their daily lives. I feel like I have to woo people, other than a few who seem as happy to make time for me as I am for them. It is the new york problem, and lately I guess I haven't had the energy(or money ---which helps b./c you say yes to going out) to combat it. gripe.

But, on the upside, my 2 housemates are wonderful, and we are going to be interviewing for the 4th, and thanks to coco's ad on craigslist we are getting amazing responses.

2002-10-14T21:55:00.000-04:00

Dinner party at Shehireen's house for her sister, Lark's birthday. After a lovely feast we were all hanging out proposing games, and 2 of Lark's friends proposed a drag show. One of them was into it enough to go get dressed up in one of Lark's concert gowns, with Shehireen's blue Marge Simpson wig to top. He sang 2 songs(Maria Callas)- one was Caro Mio, it was hilarious. I have never seen a drag opera performance.

I got my Martha on and made a pear dessert from her magazine for the birthday lady, it was one of the yummiest desserts I have had- pears baked in red wine, coated with a thin layer of butter and cardamom spice sugar, served with vanilla bean mascarpone and biscotti. I am in the right neighborhood for buying italian ingredients, and mr. clove was lovely enough to purchase everything as i am under the money weather.

The housemates and I cut out lots of halloweeny shapes for our hallway- it looks very festive, but not so scary. But, I guess we don't truly want a dark shadowy homewelcoming space.

Had a native foods brunch with housemates here and old. It was a lovely brunch- great food. Coco made nopalitos- scrambled tofu with cactus in tortillas. I made corn pancakes, and Joon made a fresh blueberry sauce. We also had gimme lean(ok, perhaps not the most indigenous of ingredients), potatoes and fruit. Finished with thick hot chocolate.

I had a lovely weekend with mr. clove. We laughed a lot, ate, talked and wandered.

Today I hurt my foot while stumbling down some stairs, floaty headed and distracted. I am truly hoping for it to be a minor injury as I am insurance-less.

2002-10-10T14:47:00.000-04:00

I have started working at the school in Queens. The students are either learning disabled or have behavior problems(or a combination of the 2). They are young 5-7(one 4 year old!). To make it harder I have one combined class where half the students have behavior problems, yelling, hitting, snide, and the other half are very low functioning- autistic. Trying to keep everyone focused and interested in my lesson is a challenge. Luckily, the teachers are fine with me drawing a lot, so I illustrate the poems as I go along. I am trying to introduce them to the idea of simile. About 2-3 students per class get it. Still, I believe in having high expectations. One student, after I'd asked them to compare the stripes on a tiger to something else striped said, Stripes like lined paper. Pretty good for a 1st grader(everyone else was saying, no matter how many times I said, "Not an animal"- like a zebra!).

It is a sick day for some, Joon's sister is here with shingles(ow) and mr. clove is home sick with a yucky 'flu. It is a grey and drippy day, so that helps with the mood.

I had a poetry date with Smiling, it was very helpful. We ate scones and workshopped 2 poems and even started writing. I am trying to start a series on my archaeology experiences. We shall see how that comes out.

2002-10-07T23:03:00.000-04:00

First, the good news, my old housemate, Calm, got married today to Lily. They had the ceremony at the Brooklyn Courthouse, and Coco and I were (collectively) the best man. C and L were glowingly happy.

I had a productive today, including picking up a retroactive paycheck from when I was teaching Comp at a CUNY school(nice surprise). Bought some farmers market goodies, including fresh porcini and hen of the woods mushrooms.

Came home to an email message from my Dad. Turns out that todays shooting in MD was at my littlest brothers school. Very scary. I was down in MD this weekend to visit Clove, and stay with our friends Pepe and Dill, and was definitely aware of my surroundings and especially cars more than usual. Had hoped the sniper attacks had ended. But, now another has happened. Many of the people I love are in that area, most of my family is there and I am beginning to be really frightened for them. It is all so random.

2002-10-02T22:15:00.000-04:00

I went to a school in Jamaica, Queens today, to plan my residency with them. I am excited to start working.

On the way home I decided to stop in Jackson Heights, which got me started on thinking about having part of this diary be highlights of my journeys around the city...The fun part of my job is getting to work all over.
So. Take the train(E/F/V/R) to Roosevelt Avenue. Get out, walk up 74th to Jackson Diner, my favorite place to get indian buffet. Lunch is 7.95 and they always have about 4 veggie dishes and 4 meaty. Plus salad, naan, chole, and some chutneys. I love it. The dessert is usually rice pudding with cashews and cardamon. MMM. Then I go up the street to Patel Brothers, a great grocery store. They have tons of indian food, spices, veggies, etc. They even have British version baked beans. I usually cross the street for bindis etc. I always wish I had a camera to take pictures of the gorgeous gold jewelry. I'm not so into gold, but the intricate designs are fabulous! Finally I like to stop on the corner on the way back to the subway and go in the stationary shop- they have mostly korean stationary, which I love.

Hopefully I will get one more residency in a few days and have another neighborhood to report on.

On the weather front, it is hot lately, which is odd.

I borrowed Light and Fish's car to drive to the dodge festival. Fish came and picked it up yesterday evening, it was nice to catch up with him and hear about their recent trip to spain. I want to spend a year living in a Mediterranean country. I love the pace of life there and the quality of food, to name just 2 lovely things.

I made my first batch of homemade granola today. It smells amazing. I looked up a few recipes online, skimmed them, adjusted to what ingredients I wanted and baked. I did not look at the recipes closely enough to see that you add the raisins in the end. They were like mini volleyballs(but black--they were golden raisins originally). But still, it is crisp and yummy.

2002-09-28T19:23:00.000-04:00

I had a really nice impromptu writing date with my friend, Smiling. We ate some organic veggies, commiserated over the trials of grading, and then sat down to write. Hurrah.

Had a good meeting to start the school year. I am looking forward to getting back into the schools and teaching some poetry, perhaps seeing some of my students from last year, and definitely meeting many new ones.

We had a few days of chill and rain and now we are back to sun and breezes. I climbed to the roof to watch the sunset/read in the open air, and the sun was Huge in the cloudless sky. It set behind some tall manhattan building, and when I would look away my eyes would see spots that were part circle and part square. Actually, the building is right around where the Twin Towers were. Strange, how I never really looked at those other downtown tall buildings. All those nights I stood on my roof my first year here I would look at the Twin Towers, and look uptown towards the Empire State Bldg, guess why it was the color it wore for the evening, and end with my favorite bldg, the Chrysler.

I made a bulletin board today, I am excited to hang it up, so much more fun to make one than to buy. I found the project at: www.getcrafty.com

2002-09-25T17:58:00.000-04:00

Joon and Mantagna were heading to the Rockaways yesterday so I went with.As we were walking across the street to the beach we noticed some mating dragonflies overhead. Suddenly we were caught in a mass of them( a drift of dragonflies) all flying away from the ocean, most mated. Beautiful wonder. After they had passed we saw a few monarch's flying. A lovely surprise.

Joon and I ended up swimming, probably my last ocean embrace for the year. It was pretty rough and cold at first, but lovely. The crabs were lively(pinch) as was the current. I went in on a rushing wave, got sandy. We stayed until the sunset, the sky paling and the water picking up pale turquoise and pink rushes on the shore. I talked with M while J walked, we talked and I painted, nice to be back in color work again.

On a poetry note I just received a book with a poem of mine in it. Very exciting. I feel giddy.

In the oven I have many root vegetables roasting- parsnip, beet, onion, potato and herbs. I drizzled them with olive oil and crushed some thyme and rosemary, and sprinkled with sea salt. I think I will reduce some balsamic to top them off.

I went to the Farmers Market and wandered in a daze at the wealth of autumn. I was missing Clove, I wish he were here to share my meal and the 2 heady roses.

2002-09-23T22:15:00.000-04:00

Which Willy Wonka character are you?

made by

2002-09-23T18:21:00.000-04:00

Autumn has arrived, happy autumn. I have come back from a weekend that worked well to bring in the season of change and thoughfulness. I attended the Geraldine R. Dodge Poetry Festival in New Jersey. Some of my favorite poets were there, including: Lucille Clifton, Robert Hass, Li-Young Lee, Stanley Kunitz, Mark Doty and Billy Collins. A wealth of voices. I attended many thoughtful talks on craft and the responsibility of the artist to live an aware and present life.

One of the best things of the weekend was something I had not expected. Each poet said something about the dire state of the world, and read poems, or spoke words calling for peace and awareness and caution. There seemed to be a vast majority of people in the audience who feel the same, and who are embarassed and frightened by the actions of our government and our not-so-elected "leader". I was wishing a newsreport could be shown on the opinions expressed at this gathering of lovers of words.

My Clove came as well, and we walked the treed aisles of the festival grounds and laughed and wondered and sighed at the wisdom of the sage poets.

We camped with some friends, and talked long into the night of the nature of being, and again, of awareness.

On a professional note I have come to a decision to take a position teaching creative writing at a nearish University, and I sincerely thank all those that listened to my frantic deliberations.

So, the Full Moon has ushered in our new season. I hope my friends are enjoying it.

2002-09-16T21:42:00.000-04:00

It was my lover, Clove's birthday this past Sunday. He arrived Friday night and we had a late dinner at a local place- Acqua Santa- so nice, with a garden-y backyard, amaziing italian food. mmm.

On Saturday we ran out the door to try and get rush tickets for the play 'Metamorphoses'. We were hungry, and I brought a little cinnamon Life with zendon soymilk. Midway through the ride mr. clove accidentally hit my hand and the cereal(gloppy soggy mess) went flying. Yuck. Including onto a woman's foot. "I'm SO sorry." We were very blushy.

We were able to get 2 poolside seats-only $35 each. We wandered around for a few hours, ate, shopped and stopped in a gorgeous cathedral- St. Mary. They had a sign that said, "Sinners Repaint! We did" and showed the before and after of their beautiful deep blue ceiling with gold stars. We wandered around and felt a moment of peace(a block from Times Square). On the way out we saw that it was an Episcopal Chruch, crazy.

The play was amazing. A series of Ovid's Metamorphoses reinterpreted by Mary Zimmerman. All set alongside and in a large pool. It was moving, sad, sweet and funnier than I had expected.

Home for the gaming birthday party. I set out the homemade goodies and we readied our living room for gamerson-ness.

People arrived ready to play. A game of Monopoly started while some of us grazed- cowy. The rest of us played(or hung out with the players) of Quiddler. I was especiialy happy that Song had come from Mass. for the weekend. It was a fun gathering and full of laughter and goofiness. My (our) friends are so nice to my Clove, it makes me so happy.

After everyone had left we awayed to the roof with the housemated and looked at the lit up Manhattan.

My brother is in town today, we had a vegan-licious down home soul food dinner at Kate's with Coco. Speaking of which, she told me to check out this link, -

I am LIKE A VIRGIN Madonna // find out what Madonna you are here.

By Carly @ x-girl.co.uk

2002-09-11T23:13:00.000-04:00

The sky today felt the same as last year- a beautiful, endless autumnal blue with high puffy clouds. Difference--- the intense gusty wind. A newscaster suggested it is the spirits visiting us. It was eerie, the same sky.
Had lunch with my friend Sunsprite, up near the UN, felt a little worried to be 1/2 a block away from that set of buildings, especially since my roommate was worried about me. Saw a group of older women of many countries walk by with capes made with peaceful messages on them, most were in arabic and hebrew and ?sanskrit- couldn't read. Felt peace, though.

Later, went to a reading at the Brooklyn Library. Beautiful Gold-imaged doors behind the readers. Some lovely messages. I especially liked Andre Acimen, Kimiko Hahn, Paula Fox and Galway Kinnel. Galway read a poem that was intense and beautiful and very Whitman-esque. He ended the reading, rightly so. My Polish friend, Luz, read with him(as well as 2 other poets). I enjoyed looking at the art deco doors all throughout the readings, the sun and moon were tiny decorations amongst the animals and people- people dancing and in all poses--- yet, I kept looking at them, sun to the left and moon to the right. Light. I also loved the woman with one arm raised like she was pouring something- light, water, wine. Abundant.

The image a couple of the writers came back to- the falling and jumping people(falling from the burning Towers). The people that held hands as they fell. The idea of that, the picturing of them, in my own mind, added to by these different peoples words was very moving. People interpret in their own ways, and each individual interpretation of the same event gives new meaning to that event. Rich.

Home to wine and the memorial candles we lit. I enjoy Joon's sister Mantagna, nice to meet a pair of siblings that are like me and my brother.

I hope that everyone has had a peaceful day, and grieved if necessary, without the desire for vengeance.

2002-09-10T12:31:00.000-04:00

Last year on this day I was showering to get ready for some internship interviews, looked out the bathroom window and saw a tower of smoke. The rest is history. Tomorrow I want to make sure to go to some peace rally or something like. I seem to cry when I see things on TV, so I am going to avoid that.

This morning was nice, worked on poems, breakfast at Phoebe's, talked with Chris about the beautiful outside, the weather. Last year on this day I went to Phoebe's with my housemate Calm, and we just sat and absorbed. I remember noticing the wood behind his head, how worn it was, the wide planks. The view east blocked by wood and buildings, no view of the smoke. It seems like everything was hush, but really there were sirens for days. The sky was quiet, and then when it wasn't(helicopters flying, or military jets) we all shuddered. The next day I went with Coco and Hen to the park to get away from the news and we sat, in McCarran park with the Manhattan skyline beside us, laughing bitterly over our failed attempt to 'get away'- the smoke still a pillar.

I am working on some poems from June, I am realizing there is a theme. I can see a collection starting. Two themes, really. Distance and love. Family voices. I think I'll lay them out and see.

2002-09-08T22:17:00.000-04:00

speaking of masks, I just found this picture on my clove's website.

this was the night I won one of my toys. I bought the mask in Venice, unpainted, and painted it using mostly ink. swirly.

2002-09-08T19:48:00.000-04:00

Sunny Sunday. Went on the roof and saw some roof-neighbors up there. All of their names mysteriously ended in -licious. They invited me up to their roof, but the wall is too high. Another day maybe. While up there some planes were skywriting. Couldn't make it out because of the slant, then I did- GEICO. Ugh. Advertising. The best one I've seen in this neighborhood was about a year and a half ago. "Remember love"- apparently for John Lennon. It was beautiful, the words kept looping in the sky and then dispersing to almost clouds.

So, Shehireen did get some last night. Shehireen are jewish winged fairies which eat, drink, make love and shapeshift. Seems an appropriate name.

I am about to go watch Six Feet Under and Sex in the City. Ah, HBO.

My Clove gave me Nick Drake's first Cd last week. I LOVE it. His voice seems like a welcome.

2002-09-08T00:52:00.000-04:00

I am going to have to get some editing advice, this white lettering is TOO MUCH.

2002-09-07T23:46:00.000-04:00

saturday night...lovely september breeze blowing in, past the music in my room, the curtains in my lion-witch and the wardrobe closet, and into my orange apartment.
I don't know how much longer I'll be living here in Brooklyn. It makes me sad, the friends I'll miss- Smiling S, J. Sunflower, Gator(Shehireen), J&M, my lovely roomates and this city. Plus, the poetry... I didn't expect to love New York, and really my friends helped me get to love. Plus, September 11th. I was so impressed with people here. I still am.
I like making up names for my friends, thank you ms. devika!
I should actually be cleaning or writing poetry or some such productiveness, but, I am writing...
Yesterday I went with my roomate-cocobrooklyn- to toys in babeland. So, after our foray into H&M- land of "it worries me how cheap these cool clothes are" and through little italy and past the chinatown restaurant suppliers we wandered through the tiny streets of soho and into the lower east side. The streets down there are so small, the only part of new york that feels european and intimate and possible- I mean structurally. Then into this dildo-laden shop. What fun, so honest and matter of fact that comfort is expected. Our friend, mr. hooker was buying for his lady. The shopgrrl asked him, " what does she prefer- clitoral or penetration?" He answered, "she's a clit-girl" and we were shown the good ones and the crossovers. Ease. The rabbit and its friends are fun to turn on and watch whirl. But, the dust from the pearls was worrisome(all encased in plastic, but...still).
I already have 3 toys, 2 thanks to my sex-positive friend The Sprite, and one which won at a mask party, so I just helped them with the looking, laughing, squeezing and pondering. I checked out some nipple clips which hurt my finger. Ow.
I did buy some new lube(I'll let you know) and some strange alien looking condoms that Mr. Hooker and Shopgrrl recommended as making the mister happier. See note above.
Speaking of condoms, it is very possible that my friend Shehireen is using one right now, for the first time in too long. Ah, I hope so.
The Amelie soundtrack is playing, and I am remembering the orgasm scene. So many. Here, at this hour- hundreds or thousands are probably going on in our 5 boroughs.
I hope to talk to my Clove again tonight. He is why I would leave. It's been 2 years and we are ready.